bandaids always made things feel better, why don't they anymore?

So why is it that people find the need to drink their problems slash feelings away? I don't get it.. and as much as i sound like a hypocrite for telling people not to, I don't drink because i want to avoid things and i never drink in excess... I guess i jsut do it cause i like it.. weird eh?

So lemme tell you about this friend that i have... He is the most awsome, wonderful, thoughtful person ever.. and when i first met him i thought he was the most genuine person i had ever met... so my friend lately, has taken to drinking.

This coming from a guy who actually lectured me for an hour the first time we ever spent time together a lone... a person who stopped drinking, who is very strict and tells everyone else not to... HE has started to drink...

Now a drink or two i can understand.. but more than that... umm hell no.. and from him.. anything really is just a huge dissappointment cause really if he can;t stick to his beliefs, the stuff that makes him him, then how is anyone else supposed to either?

It worries me to the point where i get physically sick to think that he has to look to alchol to help him.. for what ever reasons... It makes me want to cry.. like sit in my room and ball my eyes out because i feel his pain.. there is something dark and evil eating at his soul, and for once i would just like it if he could tell me.. or tell someone so that it doens't become this evil think that is threatening to consume him whole...

i just wanna crawl into a ball and cry my heart out.. my heart is soo heavy with guilt, with worry, with stress.. I wanna take a break from it all.. just leave.. like physically sever all ties.. but where will that leave me? pretty much no where...

I realize yesturday i was in a shitty mood and i took it out on some people.. but i honestly didn't mean too.. and i know that everyone has thier off day.. fuck i am having an off weekend.. and everyone is noticing it.. like people i don't even talk to have told me.. but i dunno..

I just wish that i could push a magic button and the whole world would right itself... right now i feel off kilter and not in synch.. i hate it with a fucking passion and wish with all my heart it wouldn't be so.. but alas we are all grown ups, the hurts of the world cannot be patched up with a bandaid.. everynow and again we need to treat the hurts with antiseptic and that is when things start to hurt like hell, but only for a few seconds, or minutes.. and then it is all over..

Hopefully things will get better.. cause i can't deal with it much longer at the rate things are going..

Lish