It is 4 am and i am sitting here.. thinking, aching to express something I don't know and I don't want to know.. but just knowing that i need too.... I dunno what to say or what to write.. all i know is that i feel the need to express myself somehow and I know that whatever I will write I still won't have captured exactly what i want.. I just can't put my finger on it... in time my friends.. in time...

I just got a wonderfully awsome call for a person who has become very dear to me... He is like my little brother.. calls me up every now and again, randomly out of the blue. It is nice, he calls whenever something is troubling him, or just to shoot the breeze.. We just had an awsome conversation for over a half hour about nothing in particular... Gonna miss that next year..

I also did something really stupid yesterday... I was feeling kinda out of it.. haveing slept for a really long time.. aka 26 hours with a 2 hour food break in the middle and random bouts of waking.. but sleeping anyways.. I woke up and was really disoriented.. didn't know what was going on, and I was shaking.. kinda a little sketchy.. So i went to school thinking that maybe a little work would help me, but it didn't.. just made me feel odd.. like i was doing something I shouldn't have been doing..

Regardless.. I recieved a bit of an aggravating call from my mom.. and it put me into a funk.. I was already in one to begin with.. but even more so after I talked to her.. I just had to get out of my house.. get out of the environment in which i found myself.. and I wanted company.. not anyones company.. the company of those people whom I love and who accept me for who I am.. regardless of everything. I guess i picked the wrong day to be out of sorts... So after promising not to do anything stupid, I decided to take a walk... I just needed to walk, to clear my head, to think of a million and one other things besides what I was thinking about. So I started to walk, and think, and walk.. and before I knew it I was at the SLC. Now I had promised to call someone in 10 mins to make sure i didn't do anything stupid.. well turns out 25 minutes had passed and I had done something stupid.. It was 2 am, I had walked from my house to the SLC and then i realized I was hungry..

So I walked to the pita pit and txted my whereabouts.. Ya I am sorry about that.. not about walking.. but that the thought of me walking, and the possiblities of me walking gave nightmares. I ended up with a few wonderfully awsome people.. and they made me feel a bit better.. So thanks guys (and thanks for the cookies too)... In the process of walking, however, I got sick.. and I am currently dying.. soo sick right now... only I could do something stupid and have it bite me in the ass...

Sorry I wasn't myself and Sorry I worry you endlessly...

But most of all thank you all for being always there, all the time... I love you all dearly.