Be Happy!

So I had a wonderful surprise today at work. One of my best friends from elementary school came to see me. She used to live in Montreal, but now has moved back and thank goodness because I love her and miss her dearly.

Anyways, this friend is getting married next year, and she came by to ask me if i would be her bridesmaid. I was so touched that she would even think of me and I happily accepted. It'll just be me and her maid of honor and we are best friends too so it will be fun.

I have known her since we were in elementary school in first grade and we have kept in touch ever since. She calls my mom and dad, mommy and daddy and her parents call me their second daughter. I left when I went to High School to Toronto, and while we could have drifted apart, we have managed to keep in touch and have remained close friends.

I am so touched and a tad bit shocked, truth be told I was honored to have been asked in the first place. I love her dearly and only want her to be happy forever.

~Lish

the disasterous almost haircut...

K, here is a story.. but the resolution has yet to occur so i am gonna leave you all hanging.. sorry.. :D

So last thursday night, my sister and I had plans to get a haircut at a salon we have gone to many many times. My sister had booked us appts the night before with 2 selected individuals.. we had slowly gone through the entire staff and requested that we not have a whole bunch of people... So my sis booked it with these two people we hadn't had yet and we were set. We had two appts at 6:15pm with Mary and Marianna.

I think I should mention at this time, the last time I went there they forgot about me and didn't get to me for an hour and a half.. my mom was soo pissed off with them they gave us a whole bunch of gift certificates to placate her.

So anyway, after scooting down to Don mills and eglington and then back up to 16 and younge, we made it just at 6:05pm. So we get there at the desk and we are like we are both here for our appts. So the girl takes two aprons and leads us to the back and introduces us to our stylists... and what do you know they put one of us with this fat, sweaty, italian pig of a guy whom my sister and i both hate passionately after he cut our hair crooked and we had to go back to get it recut. So my sister goes to the receptionist.. I am sorry but we specifically asked not to have Silvio, and I am sorry if i sound rude, but he screwed my hair last time he cut it. The other stylist was one of the people we were supposed to have Marianna (although she was quite unkempt and her hair looked hideous for her being a master stylist and charging over $50 for a cut).

So she takes us back out front and then tells us sorry but Marianna can only see us in a half hour (btw she was doing nothing in the back when we went there) and that she was the only one available for the rest of the evening, so if we both wanted to get our hair cut, we would have to do it in succession.

My sister was like there is no way i am waiting until 9pm to get my haircut, whatever get yours done I can always come back, you will probably never get a chance to get it done again. So I say fine i'll come back at 6:30.

At 6:30 i go back and the girl takes me to the back to get it washed. She tells me that someone will wash my hair in a couple minutes and that Marianna will be with me in about 5 minutes. So i sit there and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait.. a whole freaking 30 minutes elapses and I am still sitting there waiting to get my hair washed and waiting for Marianna to come and give me a consultation. Nothing not one word from any of the other people there. I sat there getting more and more infuriated. The receptionist comes back and is like oh wait, someone should be with you in a minute. The girl who was supposed to wash my hair was told to wash it and the receptionist left. Another 10 minutes went by (let me mention I was the only one at the back where the sinks were and the girl who washes the hair was sitting there reading a magazine).

I was so freaking pissed off that I did what the only sane person on earth would have done, I got up and walked to the receptionists desk and yelled at her in front of some stylists who were just standing there (as if they couldn't have cut my sisters hair) and in front of some clients. I was soo mad and you know what she did? Nothing abso-freaking-loutly nothing. So I walked away and walked right back again and demanded i speak to the manager, and instead left with a card with the managers name on it.

So now i have to call and speak to the manager, get bloody pissed off again, and I still have not gotten my haircut.

So when I finally get ahold of the manager I shall let you all know what happened. I told them that I would never go back there again (a fact which my mom and dad are exceptionally proud of both my sister and I for walking out and getting mad at them) and the only reason my mom still would go there was because she liked the one person, but if that person were to leave tomorrow she would go with him in a heart beat...

*sigh* people these days...

~Lish

The dinner disaster...

so here is a bit of a funny story...

So my dad is insane.. really and he had this random idea to make his own mince meat in order to ultimately make Kebobs...

K lemme tell the whole story... we went to the grocery store and asked them if they were able to make us some mice meat that was less finely ground.. and they couldn't so we asked them what type of meat they used to make ground beef. So we picked up a few packages and decided to experiment for dinner.

So for those of you who don't know kebobs are these things that are rolled seasoned sort of tubes of ground beef.. haha.. sounds sooo random...

Anyways, So we get home and hook up the mincer on our kitchen aid and get to work.. 6 steaks and 4 hours later.. ya it took us 4 hours because the fat kept getting stuck in the mincer.... splatters of meat and blood all over the kitchen, we had about a pound or less of ground beef.. haha.. all that work for that much. Not only that but the onion, hot pepper, and corriander mixture was almost 4 times the amount of ground beef.. haha.. so my mom had to go out and buy some more so that we could actually make diner.. haha.. it was soo funny...

Although I guess you had to be there...

~Lish

Since I have abandoned my fans, I decided to do a short little update (shout out to Matty who made this possible, hehe)...

So Thursday was my mom's b-day and for once we all remembered and wished her on the right day.. haha it was awsome and we even picked up a cake for her which i think we are giving her tomorrow. She still doesn't think she is getting anything...

I love it because she never expects anything from us, and when we do, do something for her she is so stunned.. haha.. yes stunned.. the look on her face is just priceless.

I'm also taking this course... and it is soo boring.. like we all sit there for 3 hours every 3 days and listen to the facillitator talk at us... and they go sooo SLLLLLOOOOOWWWWWW... I die... i wanna reach into my bag and pull out my new paperback and finish the intriguing romantic suspense that is unfolding... hahaha

I guess you all now know that I read romantic suspence novels.. meh... I think in the last 2 weeks I have read 6 books... they were really good actually...

*sigh* right now my fam and i are sitting on the couches watching a moving and just waiting until that magical time when my parents decide it is time for them to get ready to go to some retirement party they are going to.. haha.. we (the three kids) are staying home but we have no plans for the evening.. maybe go see a movie?? who knows.. meh..

Other than that.. there is nothing else going on.. I guess i'll update a bit later.. hahaha... sorry matty :)..

~Lish

Inevitability... it sucks balls... not that i would know...

I feel so lost, confused, scared and afraid for my life. I feel like i am falling endlessly down a dark and twisted tunnel, never reaching the bottom, never knowing where I am or what I am doing. The knowledge of not knowing is killing me...

My heart is heavy, and i hate where I am right now. I hate being home, I hate the pressures of family and i hate that nothing i do is ever right or good enough.

My morning started alright, gave some advice to a good friend of mine. But it quickly went downhill. The 400 was closed because a tractor trailer flipped and spilled its load all over the highway onto both the north and soutbound lanes... Looked like we were going to be late for work...

So we were sitting, enjoying, being peaceful, when all of sudden my father started yelling at me. I don't know what the hell I did... I hadn't said anything. He was talking and i was listening. I am sorry if i don't have a response right away, i am sorry if i am not good enough, i am sorry if you expect things that i haven't given you, i am sorry i would like to live my life for myself and not for him. He wants us to have all these things, and while i understand and respect that, i resent his underminded, underhanded methods of trying to push us to do something only he sees as correct. There is no other way, there is no choice. We are forced into what he says, when he says it. That is totally unfair. He asked me what the point of getting a degree was if i wasn't going to do anything with it. He was the reason I got that particular degree... I was forced to get it. It never made me happy, it didn't fulfill me inside, didn't make me happy, I was miserable and worked hard to get my not so great marks. He doesn't realize I was in the library everyday doing work. He seems to think my friends are more important to me than anything else. He seems to think i have no reason to do anything and that I have wasted the last 4 years of my life.

He said I was killing him, and once He actually died, maybe i would understand what he was trying to tell me. He told me that I was the reason he was so stressed, I was the reason that he had heart pains.

He gave me a choice, a decision I had to make in less than a minute, less than 30 seconds. Did I stay and change my attidtude, or did I choose to leave, he would give me money for the next 2 weeks and that was it.. To Go and say goodbye to everything I had known or To Stay and suffer, and kill myself (not litterally, emotionally and mentally)?

What the fuck was I supposed to do? I don't have an attitude. I am sorry if i don't want to live his life, if i want to be happy for me. I don't need to be a professional, I don't need to make lots of money. I need to be happy. If being happy means I get a minimum wage job, struggle with money, but am happy to the tips of my toes then so be it.

I am not happy, I am miserable, sick to my stomach with worry, stress, uncertainty, fear. I want to leave, but i am a coward. I am a spoiled child who is used to certain things. I don't need them, but i am used to everything i have gotten. But all that I have has come at a terrible price. The price of my freedom and happiness.

What I need is to get a job, get into a school, go far away, sever all ties with my family start on my own, away from this place, away from him, where i can think, breath, act, feel without answering to anyone but myself, and I need to do it soon because my mind will snap, my body will snap, who i am will no longer be.

I am holding on to a string by my fingertips and i can feel the rope burn on my palms and the rope slipping.

I am sorry for so many things... and i want so many things in my life.

I want to be loved and cherished, to be held... to have a person perfectly understand where i am coming from and what i need without me having to say anything.. I want to be able to live a life that is my own and to make my own decisions, to not live with disappointment, fear, misery, heartbreak.

Does he have any idea how difficult it is hearing that you are going to be the cause of someone's death? does he have any idea what we have done for him? does he even see the good in anything, anyone? we are his children, yet his love is conditional, we must fullfill all these requirements before we get love, before we get approval.. and yet we are all trying to do just that... seek his approval.. for what? just to get it slapped back into our faces because it isn't good enough? to be told that all our accomplishments are for not and mean nothing to him.... so what is the point of him coming to my graduation? what is the point of him bringing me to his office day after day when i could be home looking for jobs, looking for something, anything, completing applications, trying to get the hell away from him?

does he need that much control that he needs to know exactly where we are, when we are there, how we are there, what we are doing while getting there, while there.. everything anythign...

some may argue that he loves us too much.... that may be true in some sick twisted way, but living that life, livign that way it takes a toll.. and that toll may very well lead me to become a personless body.. a body that just lives... does nothing, feels nothing.. and that isn't what i want...

so the only conclusion is that I need to leave.. i need to get far away... i need some independence... i need to get away from the person who provided the genes that produced me.

I need to do this for me, before something happens that is spirlling out of my control.

~Lish

A lil' update...

So the next month or two is gonna be exceptionally hectic... I say this because i seem to have all my time booked, and yet there is so much time available... Quite contradictory really, however, i am like that as well.. As someone pointed out to me today I am quite stubborn.

So on Monday I start a course I have enrolled in - the MCAT prep Course- The reason i am taking this is because i am writting the MCAT in August and while Medicine isn't my first choice, at least it is an avenue I can see myself working. Probably somthing like Doctors without boarders (quite the humanitarian, eh?)... I don't think i could sit still and answer the same questions, see the same hypochondriacs without wanting to kill someone or something (on that note I think sparky has past away :(... I'll find out when i pop over to the house on Saturday). I am kinda excited to take the course simply because it will get me out of my dad's office earlier and to Toronto, which totally is awsome.

This weekend I am going up to Waterloo to meet a group of girls who want to rent out my house. One room is rented, and if the three girls decide they want it too, the house is rented for the Fall (except for my bedroom, and only because I might come back and do my Masters or take a few courses.. we'll see)... I also get to see my little cousins and for all of you who havne't met them, they are the cutest things ever and I love them dearly. The key to them is to bribe them and then they love you and are loyal to you forever.. muahahaha... so evil, but hey the cookies I baked for them the last time I saw them soo worked, I have replaced my sister as the most loved :).

The week after next is a big week for me. It is not only my b-day but my graduation, which totally warrants a post all on its own when the time comes. Either way I plan on being in Waterloo for a few days (three actually) so after all work is done for everyone, we can so do something... The following weekend is probably going to be a big bbq at my house in toronto... I am confirming the date with my mommy and daddy so that should be fun, good food and fun times.

The week after that my mommy has enrolled my brother and I in a Problem Solving Decision making Analysis Class her company is teaching in Toronto. It will probably be exciting, my brother and I being the youngest in the class and the only non executives. That is if we don't get kicked out because they have too many people enrolled.. meh we'll take it as it comes :D...

That week is also the first of my mommy's b-days... yes she has two... her passport has one date and her drivers lisence has another... back from when they fled Africa - that in itself is an interesting story - So we usually forget both of them and make it up on their anniversary, but we try and aim for them both.. haha

So we are what in July now? We have Foot prints, which i really want to go to, but i am not sure my dad is gonna let me... he doesn't see the point in it.. but we'll see if I can manage to convince him. The following week I leave for about a week and a half on Vacation.

And Finally August Long weekend is our infamous Watermelon Party.. which I am sure I'll probably invite you guys and you will all probably say no because of exams.. but we'll see what happens... really it is a lot of fun.. everything is Watermelon... litterally (kinda scary actually how into it these people, my parents and my relatives are *shudder* we even had clothes made out of watermelon fabric that we wear on that day). Closer to that time i'll write about the conception of the watermelon party... it will take way to long to explain here. Needless to say it took over a year of inside jokes before the idea of the party was born.

Anyway, So that is my life for the next couple weeks with periodic visits to Waterloo peppered into it (yay for blizzards!!!!)... If I get a chance i'll update you all on the outcome of the past tennant situation.. which is starting to get underway.. gimme a couple months to update ya'll...

On the scary side... i spent the whole day in the ER with my mom yesterday (got there at 11:00am and left at 9:00pm). She was really dizzy and nausous. Anyways, after a series of tests, the doctor finally told her that there might be something very wrong with her or nothing at all. She scheduled my mom for and MRI and to see a neurologist. She thinks it may be MS... we are hopeing that, that isn't it. She gets the MRI in the next month and sees the specialist in the next couple weeks to months. It seems a little surreal to me at the moment... but so far she is doing ok, getting better.. I'll definatly keep you updated on the situation. Have i mentioned i hate sickness and hospitals?

~Lish